So… i started this blog to let out a bit of steam i suppose and because although it seems real easy to other people my life is upside down inside out all over the place and most of the time i struggle to know which way is up in this jumbled up place i call my mind. But iv come to realise i cant really tell people what goes on in my mind because im scared they will think i am Crazy i mean i question myself enough already right?
so here goes my take at letting it out in a kind of self help realisation kinda way but at the same time learning lessons about myself and my problems and overcoming whatever adventures lay ahead to get me to becoming a better version of me now.
If every cloud has a silver lining there must be a little glittery outline around my storm cloud at the moment and the sooner it shines the better. im optimistic. (today)
You see some days im on top of the world i can conquer anything im unstoppable but im in my own world its not real as much as i want it to be. there is no off button for this mood though as appealing as it sounds its pretty hard to live with. switching off from the world like your invincible hurting people in your little tornado of excitement and pure unstoppable confidence.
Until it stops…
then you get guilt and question your self worth who you are whats made you this way. it all races through your mind 100 miles a hour and it doesn’t stop iv been in deep depression after mood swings like that. i could sleep for days switching off from the world no phones no door bell just not speaking to anyone isolating myself from anyone who cares because im so scared of being rejected that i force anyone away so they cant do it to me.
Some days i can cope
Some days i cant…
im starting to get the help i need to understand these problems and i know my silver lining is out there i just got to wait for the storm to pass.