Become zero

Vanish

You ever experience them days when your mind goes dark on you and no matter what you do you cant take your focus off it. No matter what you do it diverts you back down there its frustrating and stressful.

Today my anxiety is eating me alive looming in the distance i have a event to attend and im shitting it to say the least. Im amazing at hiding this, well i say im amazing i drop hint bombs out there like hey im so uncomfortable right now…  but what am i looking for when i do you cant come in my mind put your torch on and look for my sanity can you?

im crazy social with people i know  btw but when it comes to newbies and especially newbies that are good friends with oldies i freak.  WHYYYY??
I eat myself up in here trying to tell myself be brave young one you have the power, but underneath in my belly i feel that feeling i cant quiet describe as if its like bubbling say dont forget me im going to make you work for this girly.

That niggling voice in the back of my head making me be the girl that awkwardly smiling in the corner makes me angry at myself. Mainly because i know the girl i can be when im comfortable or when iv got that fire lit and and the moment i just cant seem to find it well i can but not as much as i know im capable of.

When things happen in your life like little things that make you second guess your worth or who you thought you where. makes you want to vanish into thin air it makes all the little corners of my brain shake n i get all worked up in so  many ways. Im trying so hard to not let this phase my progress im calling my last post a slight relapse but im still kinda lost over here.

Always trust your gut instincts they say… what does that mean when your mind plays tricks on you is it instincts or is it all your overthinking?  its hard to want to protect yourself but at the same time tell the difference between you and reality…

Life In Border-Land

Image result for wonderland who am i
Bonkers? Mad? Beautiful minded or a lost soul. Sometimes it feels like wonderland. it can be a wonderfully mad place my border-land . I have come to terms with the way my mind works since my diagnosis. I think in a way it has helped me notice my triggers more. Iv started to learn to laugh at myself when i  get bad i manage to curb myself through the episodes at the moment. Maybe this is down to a touch of serendipity and fortunate turn of events, And one person throwing beautiful mind bending experiences into my world. That may have led me on the right path to normality  this time.

Looking at my mental health problems in a positive light and my symptoms as quirky traits has made it easier to deal with them people have put me down for years and used my triggers against me. Made me feel like im mad, problematic a drama queen. Always being made to feel like i am just a burden and that im the creator of the problems and feelings i experience. Having someone who sees me for me. Watches me everyday and never once has judged me for the little things that make my border-land mine, makes me feel invincible especially when im low he picks me up and dusts off the bad feelings and brings the light back into my world.

Being with someone so understanding of me so connected changed my life around. I never thought i could be so happy. Im not saying im a ray of sunshine all the time but i can see his light shinning through my storms and that is just what i needed. Hes just there for me he doesn’t try to cure me. and its as simple as that.

 

This is my response to today’s Daily Prompt.
Border