Well its been a while

so i haven’t posted on ┬áhere in a while because i was so busy with feeling normal i forgot how it felt to need a release. But guess what im still mental and i clearly still have severe problems up there. i just cant get life right! my mind is a maze and im in stuck in here like a prisoner.

So update on me is im feeling vulnerable as ever right now. i very nearly walked to that bridge n just carried on going but i cant can i because i don’t want to hurt anyone i don’t want them to feel as bad as i do right now.

So i hurt myself to take away the pain and its such a thrill to feel okay for a few seconds i wish it would last but it doesn’t and then it all starts all over again reality… not that you truly left it in the first place just feels normal for a minute and i dont know why i wish it didn’t but i just cant stop it when i hurt inside its like something takes over me and i hurt myself i wish i was different

i wish my outlook on life was different i wish i could be normal have normal feelings and do normal things when i get hurt but instead im this fucked up version of me that i cant control and it scares me……